8/30/12 I did better drinking water today. I'm trying some new protein shakes. The first one was Chike orange cream. It was OK, but I'm not crazy about it. I probably won't buy anymore of that one.
I've been thinking a lot about why I may self sabotage on my diet. I grew up in a two parent home with one sibling. Both parents were good parents, but my father had a tendency to lose his temper on rare occasions. When he lost his temper he would take a belt after us kids and he didn't know when to stop. We learned how to avoid the belt. I never was injured or anything like that, but it scared me half to death. I swore back then that I would never put myself in a situation when I grew up where I would have to fear violence again. I sometimes think that this is the reason I overeat. As a protective mechanism to keep people at a distance. It's safer. I know after a lot of self reflection that my reasoning is faulty in this regard. Years ago I spoke with my mother and sibling about my father. It was good to talk things over in my family. It made us all closer. I know there could be other things that I haven't discovered yet about why I eat.
I know there was a situation in the past when I was dieting and doing well and was overwhelmingly desired to eat something sweet when I got very angry at my boss at work. It was an "ah-ha" moment for me. I couldn't handle being angry, so I was using sweets to calm myself. What I should have done is done some primal screaming in the car to get out all my frustrations. I think sometimes I eat to forget kind of like an alcoholic or drug user uses their drug to forget. Eating doesn't alter my mental status, but it does divert my attention to a more pleasurable experience. I ask myself--forget what? I think it is the "unacceptable" emotions--anger, disappointment, depression, frustration, etc. Kind of like only "pleasurable" emotions are acceptable. I wonder if I just can't handle the "bad" emotions or is this a trained response? Probably a little of both. I grew up with German Grandparents and parents. When ever I was upset or angry at my parents, I would be given something to eat to "change" my mood. Silly isn't it?
Well, part of keeping the weight off is discovering why you do the over-eating. I'm sure there is more to discover about my emotional eating habits.
Vis Kost Kalender, 30 august 2012:
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1652 kcal
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Fedt: 53,93g | Prot.: 140,33g | Kulhyd.: 170,13g.
Morgenmad: Light 'n Fit Carb and Sugar Control Vanilla Cream, Lean Muscle Meal - Chocolate Milkshake (Bottle), Provolone Cheese, Whole Wheat English Muffin. Frokost: Tap Water, think thin brownie crunch bar, Chewy Granola Bars - Trail Mix. Aftensmad: Orange Creme Shake, Thousand Island Salad Dressing (Reduced Fat), Grilled Chicken Salad. Snacks/Andet: Fuji Apples, Tap Water, Watermelon. mere..
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4500 kcal
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Motion:
Kontorarbejde - 9 timer, Hvile - 7 timer, Sove - 8 timer. mere..
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